Sacred Self-Marriagecandle

Radical and provocative idea? Yes!

But why should it be? Why is the idea of committing to ourselves at the same level that we commit to others such a hard concept to accept? In a culture that pushes us to constantly look outside ourselves for validation, acceptance and personal worth, committing to ourselves as our source of love, happiness and self-worth is radical.  Yet it is also a potent way to create a foundation of authentic power, self-confidence and compassion.  This, in turn, enables us to share our heart more fully with others. So easily we make commitments to people, causes, organizations, jobs and society's expectations of us.  During a traditional marriage ceremony we stand in front of our community and speak aloud our promise to love and cherish another person. What if we imagine the power of being witnessed, speaking these same promises to ourselves?  Does this mean we are a selfish, self-absorbed, narcissist?  Absolutely not.   Committing to being our own best beloved requires an act of sincere humility. The greatest gift we can give ourselves, others and our planet at large is truly honoring and loving ourselves without shame or guilt. We might ask ourselves, as a parent, what is the greatest wish we have for our child?  Most would say that they be happy, truly happy.  But what does that mean?  What does that take?  Success, riches, a perfect body, a great partner?  We all know that none of these things can truly give us happiness.  We’ve all seen people who seem to “have it all” outwardly yet are depressed or miserable.
Fire Offering Ceremony

New Year Fire Goddess Candle

Happiness is state that is found within.  And it starts by honoring and nurturing ourselves, our own unique gifts, and cultivating self-care.  We must first fill our own cup of love, devotion, compassion and support so that they may naturally overflow onto others.  When we try to give these things when we have not fully given them to ourselves first, we become depleted and can no longer be of service to anyone.  Can I marry myself if I am already married to someone else?  Of course!  This is probably the most important reason to marry yourself.    Like the great sufi poet Kahlil Gibran said in his poem, The Marriage,

“…Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music….And stand together, yet not too near together. For the pillars of the temple stand apart…”

Delight in making music with another, but make sure you have tuned your own string first. 

And for the temple of any partnership to be strong and stable, each pillar must carry it’s own weight.  It must possess it’s own power and uprightness.  This is done by standing authentically in honor and awe of your own inner beauty and light. Then you can be a mirror and reflection to your partner and to the world. “… And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.  As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~Marianne Williamson Shine your own light!  You are worthy of your own affection, love and devotion! Creating a Sacred Self-Marriage is a powerful way to affirm your commitment to yourself.  It can be done publicly or privately.  But just as we make public our bond to another in front of others, the heat of witness amplifies our commitment to ourselves.   Katalin created her self-marriage in a simple but powerful ceremony in a Yogini-Dakini temple in East India.  Watch Fire of the Goddess: A Ceremony of Self-Marriage  to experience one way to honor oneself. Fire of the Goddess: A Ceremony of Self Marriage from Katalin Koda on Vimeo. Certainly there is wisdom in doing both a private and public ceremony.  Often a private one is needed first to get clarity on what vows you want to make to yourself and to build the courage to proclaim them to the world. This public proclamation can be done in front of just one important witness or a circle of supportive friends and family.  There is no right or wrong way to do it. Marrying yourself is one of the most powerful things you will ever do in your life. And just as married couples occasionally renew their vows to each other, recommitting to yourself occasionally keeps those commitments alive and potent. If you would like support on creating your own Sacred Self-Marriage, please contact Katalin Koda or Kelley Linn for a private consultation. Or join us at a Fire of the Goddess Retreat where we create a Sacred Self-Marriage together and witness each other in loving sisterhood. Read more on Self-Marriage here!